To Be Or Not To Be
by Kascaed
Summary: It's one big cliché! With lots of little clichés! But none of the Karen kind.
1. Once Upon a Time

Disclaimers: The main characters are not my own, names of places are not my own, half of the jokes aren't even my own. I have just put them to good use. All spelling errors are intentional and any perceived plot holes are imaginary. Please do not steal any of my own (highly clichéd) characters, as they not only belong to me but to about five million other people as well. The world needs originality, people! 

  
Notes (for the entire fic): *gasp!* *shock!* *horror!* I wrote a fan fic! Dedicated to the unlamented hero 'Brennan-pilot' who gets an honourable mention. For those of you who don't know *glares* Christopher Judge plays Teal'c on Stargate SG-1. The Eurovision song contest is a song contest where many countries in Europe submit one group with one song, then each country votes for who to give points to (1-8, then 10 and 12 points). When every country has awarded points, they are totalled, and the country with the most points wins, and they get to host it next year. Every year without fail, the songs are the worst that could possibly have been picked. It is truly horrifying. 

  
Warnings: Not Beta-ed. Not serious. Not for Brennan fans. 

  
Starring: Brennan. Happy Brennan. Sad Brennan. Angry Brennan. Frustrated Brennan. Lots and lots of confused Brennan.   
Guest Stars: Season 2 Shalimar. Season 1 Shalimar. Emma the Giggler. Adam the Android. Set...Setesh...Setekh...Seth...whatever. Draco the Dragon feral. Brennan Fans. The Double Helix. Cacti plants. Tables. Conveniently placed cardboard boxes. Conveniently Misplaced Metal Stick. Abandoned Warehouse Mark 2. Brennan Pilot. And…er…what's his name again? ]€$$€. 

(Okay, the fic is actually gonna start now) 

Grunts echoed through the normally tranquil Sanctuary, puncturing the calm as a sharp stone would a bike tyre. Of course, 'normally tranquil' really means 'those times when Mutant X aren't entertaining house guests be they good or evil, trying to stop the place from blowing up, trying to prevent their new-and-improved powers from damaging expensive pieces of technology, or doing some other noisy activity'. The name 'Sanctuary' didn't really apply either, but neither did 'Safehouses'. Alas, I digress. 

Today, Brennan and Shalimar sparring in the dojo were breaking the normally tranquil calm of Sanctuary. In fact, they did this most days. Shalimar looked to have the upper hand but remarkably Brennan developed a speed and strength that allowed him to over-power her and pin her on the floor. 

"Oomph." Shalimar said. Something was digging into her back. 

"Oh my god, I'm sorry, did I hurt you? Are you okay?" Brennan rolled off of her and got to his feet before offering to take her hand. _Her_ hand. The hand that fitted so well into his own, the hand that could crush his throat without effort…not that she would. 

"No, I'm fine." Shalimar took a moment to admire the fine muscle tone and the amazing looks of the man above her. If it were possible, she would say that he was more muscular than before but had somehow also lost weight. This puzzled her slightly, as the part of her brain that has an IQ above room temperature (on the Celsius scale) tended to run screaming whenever Brennan's flesh was exposed. Like now. 

She accepted his hand, enjoying the feel of it. He pulled her up but he had misjudged it and she would have fallen over if he hadn't caught her. Suddenly, Brennan and Shalimar were standing in each other's arms and they tilted their heads to gaze deeply into each other's eyes. Oh so slowly their heads moved together, straining against the collective wills of all Brennan/Emma and Jesse/Shalimar fans. Five minutes later, their lips had still not met and they were both beginning to give up. As if the Brennan/Shalimar shippers had finally figured out what was happening and added their own wills to contest that of the others, Shalimar and Brennan's heads lurched forward and they head-butted each other. 

Emma, who had been watching all of this and was waiting for the exact right moment to interrupt, decided that it was now. 

"Hey you guys? Adam wants to talk to us all, something about a New Mutant needing help and you two being sent into a potentially dangerous situation without the help of me and Jesse. It's probably a set-up." Emma, feeling her timing was getting even better at this, smiled and walked off. Shalimar and Brennan, both rubbing their noses, followed her. 

"What's wrong?" Emma asked Adam, noticing a pained expression on his face. 

"I've got a pain in all the diodes down my left side." Adam replied. Then blinked. Then looked somewhat like the proverbial deer caught in headlights. I say proverbial because of course, he didn't look much like a deer at all. 

"You what?" Shalimar asked. The part of her brain that actually had a reasonably high IQ had returned when she stopped sparring with Brennan and had entered Jesse's presence (Jesse was standing in the corner doing something). It had realised this was an odd thing for Adam to say. 

"I…er…was quoting a book…um, I thought that Brennan would appreciate the poetic beauty of the quote." Adam looked at Brennan who helpfully pretended he had any idea what Adam was talking about. 

"Oh, yeah, the imagery is just heartbreaking." Brennan winked at Adam. "So, you said you had a mission for me and Shalimar?" 

"Oh, yes, right." Adam's expression had resumed its normal unemotional state. "There's a New Mutant, calls himself Setesh. He's a telekinetic and quite possibly working for the GSA but he's asked for our help and it would be wrong of us to refuse. You two will meet him in an abandoned warehouse because that's the most inconspicuous place I could think of. Emma and I will be up in the Double Helix, near enough to monitor what's happening but too far away to help if anything goes wrong. Got it?" Emma, Brennan, and Shalimar nodded and they all filed out the room and headed for the Double Helix. 

The other character (whose name cannot be mentioned unless involving a scene with the other characters) stayed in his corner and continued to do something. 


	2. What Happens Next

Brennan had immediately walked over to the pilot's chair when they entered the Double Helix. Flying it always reminded him of a game he played when he was younger. He hadn't crashed yet, and his record on the game was ten minutes and thirty-two seconds so he figured he must be better at it than anyone else. 

Having worse navigational skills than those of a tourist with a map of the subway, Brennan had taken a wrong turn just past the exit tunnel. 

"Brennan, you're going the wrong way!" Shalimar said moments later having noticed this due to her innate sense of direction. Also, there was a big flashing sign saying 'YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY BRENNAN' on all the computer screens. 

"Am not." 

"Are too." 

"Am not." 

This went on for three hours, at which point the message changed to 'OH NEVERMIND, WE'RE HALF WAY THERE ANYWAY'. 

"Argh!" said Shalimar and promptly shut up. Brennan smirked. He never liked back-seat drivers, even ones as beautiful as Shalimar. Throughout all this Emma had been sitting giggling at something on her computer screen and Adam stared at a point on Brennan's back. 

Four hours later (Brennan had stopped for a bite to eat in Italy) they arrived at the abandoned warehouse, only six hours and fifty-five minutes late. 

"Jesse!" Emma said, spotting the fourth member of Mutant X (who was allowed to be named in this scene) lurking in the shadow of the warehouse. "What are you doing here? I thought you were doing something." 

Jesse opened his mouth to reply but Brennan cut him off. 

"Doesn't matter now, you just go fly the Double Helix. Remember, you need to be close enough to monitor us but far enough away so that if anything happens you can't help. Come on Shal, let's go." Shalimar and Brennan headed towards a door in the warehouse as Jesse lifted the Double Helix and circled at the exact right height above the warehouse. 

Inside the warehouse, Brennan peered into the darkness. His little jaunt around the world meant that it was now 10pm and he couldn't see further than a few feet in front of him. Shalimar's eyes flashed gold in a way that looked similar to, but wasn't quite like, the Goa'uld in Stargate. Brennan searched in his pocket for a lighter as Shalimar disappeared in front of him. 

"Oh my god! Brennan, there's…" Shalimar shouted, but she was cut off, like a person who has just been thrown across the room would be. As Brennan searched even more frantically for his lighter he could here the sounds of fighting, as well as some other unidentifiable noises. The door burst open behind him and Brennan turned to see Adam, Emma, and someone else. 

"Found it!" he exclaimed, pulling out his lighter and lighting it. For a moment, he wondered if it had managed to light up the whole warehouse but when he turned around he realised that Someone Else was really Jesse and he had found the light switch. 

At the far side of the warehouse, Shalimar was being dragged out of another door. Brennan started to run after her but Emma restrained him. 

"No Brennan, it's too early." She said to him. 

"Early? Don't you mean too late?" Brennan replied confused. 

"No, too early. The fic can't end yet – Shalimar hasn't been tortured, you haven't whined about not being able to save her, Adam hasn't given a pep talk, you haven't found out what I was laughing at on the Double Helix, there's no opportunity for…er…" Emma waved her hand in Someone Else's direction "him to save the day yet receive no thanks for it, and all the endless possibilities of things to be made fun of hasn't been exhausted yet. We've still got lots to do." She smiled at him and walked out the door. 

"Oh." Brennan said. The confused expression left his face only to return moments later with friends, as birds migrating tend to do. He ran after Emma. "You were laughing at something on the Double Helix?" 

Someone Else turned off the lights. 


	3. Third Time Lucky

Notes: This is the shortest chapter of the whole fic. Fear not. 

"Oh my god! Brennan, it's…" Shalimar had started to say before being thrown violently across the room. The sentence would have been 'Brennan, it's a set-up!' but she hoped he'd be able to figure that out for himself. She landed in a heap of conveniently placed cardboard boxes, which helped to break her fall. Using the boxes to hide herself from the telekinetic (Set…Seti…Setekh…whatever) she picked up a conveniently placed metal stick and used her feral senses to locate him. Quite unexpectedly, another feral dropped out of the air and landed right next to her. 

"I'm Draco, a dragon feral." The man said. 

"A _dragon_ feral? But dragons are myths!" Shalimar said. She was almost certain dragons were myths. 

"Yeah, and I thought Cheetara was a cartoon character." This being said (to the confusion of Shalimar, who had never seen the _Thundercats_) Draco swung at her. A fight ensued and Draco was relieved when Setesh finally decided to hurl the other feral across the room again. Shalimar was not so relieved as this time there were no conveniently placed cardboard boxes. 

Draco used his powers that were similar to, but not quite the same as, the dragon warlock from Charmed to fly across to Shalimar and hit her over the head with the metal stick she had inconveniently dropped. 

"Pick her up." Setesh said to Draco as he walked towards the exit. "And be quick about it, the others will be here soon. But not soon enough." With that, he gave an evil laugh (of the kind only mad evil guys in old cheesy movies can give) and left. 

" 'Pick her up, put her down, do that cute little dance thing you do'" Draco said in a voice that sounded like he was trying to imitate Setesh. "I should go to Pern, at least dragons are appreciated there." He dragged Shalimar through the door just as the lights went on. 

All this had happened in the time it took Brennan to find his lighter. 


	4. The Story Continues

~~~

I interrupt this fic to bring you these short messages to my reviewers.

~x~

Sunstar2: "Queen of the Parody" huh? I'm not sure everyone will agree, but thanks all the same.

~x~

wolfhorse: …Brennan's character? I wasn't aware he had one. ;-)

~x~

Cat: Shucks.  

~x~

I will now return you to the normal broadcasting. 

~~~ 

"Adam I should have stopped them! Now they have Shalimar and god knows what they're doing to her!" Brennan whined. And boy could this guy whine. 

"Can't be nearly as horrifying as what I'm going through now." Adam muttered. "Anyway, I thought Emma had already been through this with you. However much we want this fic to end," oh dear lord someone shoot me now, he added to himself, "the list of things to parody is too long to be even half way finished in just 1,869 words. Now I know that if we were strictly going to follow the show you'd whine at me for another half an hour but…er…" Adam struggled to think of a way to get Brennan out of his hair. Speaking of which, he really needed to get some more shampoo, someone was stealing his and he had a feeling it was Shalimar. Oh, sudden inspiration! "…if you really want me to find Shalimar quickly you'll go whine at What's His Name instead. I need to concentrate while I search for the smallest little clue that will lead us to where they're hiding." 

Brennan brightened and walked off to find…what was his name again? 

"Jesse!" he called out, suddenly remembering the fourth member of Mutant X. 

"I'm in the Double Helix." Came a voice from over the com-link. Brennan wasn't sure who the voice belonged to, but he went to the Double Helix anyway. When he got there he found…Jesse!…tinkering with some controls.

"What you doing?" he asked. 

Now, can I just take a moment to explain something. As _everyone_ knows, Jesse is the least interesting member of Mutant X. As such there are specific rules about mentioning his name in a fic. I've already said that his name is absolutely not to be mentioned if there are no other members of Mutant X present. If at all possible, his name is not to be mentioned even in the presence of the others. Another rule is that no thanks is ever to be given to him especially if he saves the entire world. The final rule is that he should not speak unless spoken to, and when he does speak the sentences can contain no more than five words. These rules do not apply to the very few fics out there that are Jesse-centric or have a Jesse/someone else (no capitals) relationship. To be quite frank though, the people who write these fics are all absolutely stark raving mad and should be avoided (along with their fics) at all costs. Their number one spot to hang out is the _PureMX _ boards, though they do make appearance elsewhere. Should one be encountered, pull out a picture of a topless Brennan and inexplicably they shall be blinded. Alas, I digress. 

The purpose of this little tangent is to explain that this is what What's His Name would say in reply to Brennan: "First of all I had to clean out the engines which were in a terrible mess after you manage to suck an entire flock of birds into them. Several parts needed replacing, including most of the hydraulic pipes. I was recalibrating the systems and uploading some new software that Adam wanted on. I made a few changes myself because there were some flaws in his programs - I would swear that he was Bill Gates in a past life – and it should all be running better now. Finally, I'm replacing this entire panel because you spilt Diet Coke all over it." Fortunately, due to the five-word rule, I'm not allowed to say this so I don't have to think of numerous things that could go wrong with the Double Helix. So, What's His Name actually says… 

"I'm fixing it." 

"Sounds complicated." Brennan replied. "I should have stopped them from taking her! It's all my fault! If only I had found the light switch, then we could have taken them on together. I would have zorched the kinetic, then follow it up with a swift right hook…" 

Hours pass. 

"…give him a jumping-spinning-heel kick, duck his roundhouse, and stop for a quick breath to watch Shalimar fighting the feral. He'd be flying out of reach…" 

More hours pass. 

"…she'd have him pinned down and I would step back for one final tesla coil. I'd hit him with everything I had and he'd go flying across the room. Just at that point, you guys would come storming in, ready to back us up, but we'd have taken care of everything." 

"Brennan?" What's His Name said, after spending the last three hours banging his head against the wall. "I think I heard Adam. He was calling your name." 

"Oh? Must have found out something important that he wants to tell me before you and Emma. Better get back to work." Brennan walked off. 

He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Lest-It-Encourage-The-Wrath-Of-Brennan-Fans went to another panel and opened it up. 

"Why was it I had to hide in there again?" Emma asked. The innards of the Double Helix were very cramped and smelled. Not the place to be when listening to one of Brennan's six-hour whines. 

"Because." (The actual explanation was "Because you didn't want Brennan to find you here and ask what you were doing." – five-word rule again.) 

"Oh yeah." Emma giggled. She went over to a computer screen and pulled up the window she had been looking at before. And resumed giggling. 

"What you looking at? *cough cough splutter* asked. 

Meanwhile, in Abandoned Warehouse Mark 2… 

Shalimar screamed. And boy could this girl scream. Being feral she had a larger lung capacity, stronger vocal cords and more developed diaphragm muscles which all meant she could scream longer, harder, and louder than most people. 

"Oh stop being such a big baby," said Draco. For people with apparently higher pain thresholds ferals sure did scream a lot. 

"Its only disinfectant."


	5. The Plot Thickens

Emma and the Other Guy joined Brennan and Adam in a never-before-seen room in Sanctuary. Adam had probably had it built for the sole purpose of this scene. 

"What have you found out Adam?" Emma asked. She had been having fun and wanted to get back to the Double Helix as soon as possible. 

"Well, we already knew that Setesh was a kinetic. It appears that he has in his service a dragon feral called Draco Ruth. They're hiding out in another abandoned warehouse – called Mark 2 apparently, don't know why – so the chances are Shalimar is there. As yet, I don't know what he could possibly want. It is entirely possible he is another figure from my past bent on revenge for events which were completely out of my own control." Adam looked around nervously. 

"How did you find all this out?" Brennan asked. 

"I have my sources, whom I'm not about to reveal the identities of because that would detract from the mystery of it and also show that they couldn't possibly have known themselves. The point is," Adam paused for emphasis - sometimes it was the only way to get through to the idiots he had to work with "now we know where she is, we just have to wait until we figure out what he wants with Shalimar before we go in and rescue her." 

Brennan started pacing back and forward. "I thought we'd be able to go in soon! I can't stand not being able to help her." The others watched him warily. 

"Brennan, I know this is hard on you – because you blame yourself for her capture, of course, not because of the Unresolved Sexual Tension between you – but you have to pull yourself together! I am _not_ rebuilding the interior of Sanctuary again just because you wanted to 'let off a little steam'." Adam replied. 

Brennan decided it was time for something deep and profound, and searched for the correct quote for the situation. "'To be or not to be, that is the question.'" 

Wind could be heard within Sanctuary and inexplicably a tumbleweed rolled across the floor. 

"Right." ]€$$€ said. 

"Anyway…" Adam went on "we can't go in before we know his motives. For all we know, it's a trap." 

*on that note, we fade to black and after a petulant "Hey, who turned off the lights?!" from Brennan, we fade back in to Mark 2* 

"You can torture me all you want, I won't tell you anything." Shalimar spat at Setesh. Well, she would have spat at Setesh if she hadn't used all her saliva trying to pronounce his name right. 

"I'm so glad to have your permission." Setesh replied, while rubbing his painfully clichéd goatee. His bald head reflected sunlight like a lighthouse, leading Shalimar to believe that he polished it twice a day, every day. 

Shalimar was tied to a table in the exact centre of the warehouse, her tormentor standing at her feet. She had seen Draco flying about moments ago, but currently he was out of her field of vision. Shalimar watched as Setesh pressed the button that resulted in the torture device being activated, and she screamed as once again the ripples of electricity tore through her body. The pain stopped, and she gasped for breath, glaring at Setesh but obviously having as much of an effect as she had had trying to intimidate the plants. He grinned back at her. 

"What do you want with me anyway?" she asked, trying to delay the next instalment of electrifying torture. 

"You're just here so that I can use you as bait to get to Adam. He'll figure out where we're keeping you and storm into the place with the rest of your Mutant X buddies and then I'll finally have my revenge!" Setesh said, then started cackling. 

"Uh…revenge for what?" Shalimar interrupted. 

"Ten years ago, in the grand old time of 1999, he did something to me that I will never forgive. It drove me mad, and the only way I could survive was to plot revenge. I hope, once I have my sweet sweet revenge, that I will be able to go on with my life. If not, I'll just have to destroy the world." At this point, Setesh looked almost human. There were tears in his eyes as he told his terrible tale. 

"What did he do to you?" The suspense was almost killing Shalimar. 

"He made me listen to the Spice Girls!" 


	6. Interesting Things Continue to Happen

Shalimar had lain in stunned silence after the shocking 'Spice Girl' revelation. She couldn't believe that Adam would ever subject someone else to that kind of torture. And yet…somewhere deep inside Shalimar, in the same place that wondered if those unsubstantiated rumours about Adam being an android were true, she realised it was well within his capabilities. 

Unfortunately for the rest of us, this part was by far outnumbered by the rest of Shalimar who was loyal (stupid) to the end where Adam was concerned. 

"I don't believe you." She finally managed to say. 

"I had a feeling you wouldn't. That's why I have a recording of it as proof, despite the fact there was no recording equipment present." Draco suddenly appeared with a TV screen beside Setesh at the bottom of the table. 

"How does that work?" Shalimar queried. 

Setesh shrugged. "If the writers can do it in Final Judgement, I can do it here!" Shalimar conceded this point. "There's no sound, so don't worry about that. Despite entertaining the possibility of destroying the world, I would never force anyone else to listen to _them_. I don't think Gabriel Ashlocke would have gone that far." Then Setesh, with a flourish, played the recording.

And Shalimar was left completely without her brain as the part that trusted Adam was shocked almost to death, and the other, smaller, part rejoiced at finally winning an argument. In fact, it was so happy that for a moment it believed it could turn Shalimar away from Brennan and back into Jesse's arms. Alas (for incandescence anyway) it was not to be. Loyal-Stupid-Bimbo side would not have anyone take Shalimar away from Brennan. Maybe in the next fic… 

Speaking of the devil, Brennan has finally snapped and decided it's time to go save his damsel. Of course, Brennan would never use the word damsel as he is a 'Streetwise, unbearably cool rule-breaker' and as such his ass would have been kicked if he'd ever used the word 'damsel'. He would probably use either 'chick' or 'bird'. How he got away with reading poetry, we'll never know. 

"Adam, with or without you I'm going to get Shalimar!" Brennan yelled. 

"Okay." Adam replied. 

"Now, before you go lecturing me again I know I could be walking into a trap but I don't care! I have to save her. Without me she doesn't stand a chance, despite the fact she can beat me in a fight blindfolded!" Brennan had spent so long preparing this argument, it hadn't sunk in yet that Adam was going along with him. 

"I agree. It's always funny when she does that…" 

"I know it'll be dangerous, but that's why I want you to come with me! So I can use you as a human shield! Now, Emma has agreed to come with me so we're going to the Double Helix. If you want to come, you can come, but we leave as soon as I've re-stocked the onboard snacks. We ran out last time, had to stop in Italy." Brennan walked out, and Adam shook his head before following. 

Brennan met up with Emma at the bottom of the stairs to the dojo. Suddenly, he looked up at the dojo, then back to Emma. 

"What?" she asked, desperate to get back to the Double Helix. 

"I've just realised something." Brennan started. Then stopped, to allow a smug grin to spread across his face. He _had_ just realised something! That happened almost as often as Thingy got a line. 

Seeing a look of frustration appear on Emma's face, he decided to explain what he had realised. "Well," he began again, still with the smug grin, although it was tinged with confusion, "throughout this fic there has been repeated reference to things that have happened in season two. But," and he paused for dramatic emphasis, "the dojo is still here." 

Despite his efforts, all Emma did was hit him upside the head. 

"Ow! What was that for?" he growled. Shalimar had been giving him lessons. 

"Didn't you bother to read the disclaimer? It's at the beginning for cryin' out loud!" Brennan continued to look confused. He looked confused pretty much all of the time, actually. Emma elaborated. " _'All spelling errors are intentional and any perceived plot holes are imaginary'_. Sometimes I can't believe you." 

They both continued on to the Double Helix. Adam was already there, so Brennan sat down in the pilot's chair and guided the plane that was similar to, but not quite the same as, the blackbird in X-Men out of the tunnel. In fact, the whole show is similar to, but not quite the same as, X-Men. This fic even included a joke similar to, but not quite the same as, the N'Sync joke in X2. Alas, I digress. 

They were half-way out the tunnel when Brennan suddenly realised that Adam had agreed to go with him all along. He was so startled, he swerved, and would have crashed into the walls if the Double Helix wasn't on 'Brennan-pilot' – the setting that had saved them in The Future Revealed. 

"Adam!" he gasped out. "Adam, why didn't you argue with me?" 

"I told you that as soon as we found out what he was planning we could go." Adam replied. 

"But we haven't found out what he's planning!" 

"When I said 'we' I meant the reader. You really think we'd be allowed to know what's going to happen? It's called dramatic irony, idiot." Adam was getting really quite irritated. 

Brennan thought about what he said. And thought again. Then thought some more. In fact, he thought so hard he nearly hurt himself, and they would all have crashed on numerous occasions if it wasn't for the unlamented hero called 'Brennan-pilot'. 

Brennan had at least turned the right way leaving the tunnel this time, so it only took ten minutes to reach the warehouse. Upon arriving, they all exited the Double Helix and were promptly knocked unconscious. 


	7. Previously, in this FanFic

~~~

This…is the end. At least of To Be Or Not To Be anyway, and you probably won't see me for a while after that. Exams and stuff. But I'd like to take this opportunity to once again thank those fans courageous enough to voice their appreciation of this 7-part cliché. 

~x~

SunStar2: Thanks for encouraging me to put this up here, and for all your wonderful comments. 

~x~

Sapphire12:  I was going to say something about that in the disclaimer but whoops, forgot.

~x~

Cat & wolfhorse: Thanks again!

~x~

Hippiecountrygirl: You don't hang around the PureMX boards? _Why not?_  Hey, that goes to all you people here with a sense of humour. 

~x~

Anita: I am truly honoured

~x~

So, here we go. The concluding chapter of To Be Or Not To Be. Enjoy.

~~~

"Previously," intones Christopher Judge, purely because I think he's got the best voice for these things, "in this fan-fic." 

"Oomph." Shalimar said. Something was digging into her back. 

  
~*~*~

  
"A _dragon_ feral? But dragons are myths!" Shalimar said. She was almost certain dragons were myths. 

  
~*~*~

  
At the far side of the warehouse, Shalimar was being dragged out of another door. Brennan started to run after her but Emma restrained him. 

  
~*~*~

  
"Sounds complicated." Brennan replied. "I should have stopped them from taking her! It's all my fault! If only I had found the light switch, then we could have taken them on together. I would have zorched the kinetic, then follow it up with a swift right hook…" 

  
~*~*~

  
Brennan decided it was time for something deep and profound, and searched for the correct quote for the situation. "'To be or not to be, that is the question.'" 

  
~*~*~

  
"He made me listen to the Spice Girls!" 

  
~*~*~

  
"Adam, with or without you I'm going to get Shalimar!" Brennan yelled. 

  
~*~*~

  
Brennan had at least turned the right way leaving the tunnel this time, so it only took ten minutes to reach the warehouse. Upon arriving, they all exited the Double Helix and were promptly knocked unconscious. 

**"And now," (Chris Judge again) "the conclusion."**

Brennan awakened to find himself in a dark room, and tied to a long, flat, piece of metal. Quite possibly a table. He struggled in his restraints but to no avail; they were too strong for even his extraordinary strength. Suddenly remembering that there were others with him when he was captured, although he was the only one that mattered, Brennan called out for them. 

"Hey guys, you there?" he noted that his voice echoed and thought they might be in a cave. 

"Brennan, open your eyes for gods sake." Came a voice. Brennan did so, and found out that he was not in a dark cave at all but in fact in a quite well lit abandoned warehouse. Mark 2, to be precise. 

Lifting his head he looked to either side of him and saw Emma and Shalimar. At the foot of the table he was tied to, Adam was strapped into a chair, facing them. Brennan looked back at Shalimar and gazed longingly into her eyes. 

"Are you okay? Did they hurt you at all? I was so worried about you!" 

"Although I've been tortured for the past few days, I haven't had anything to eat or drink since that Italian café, and I should be utterly exhausted, I'm perfectly fine!" Shalimar flashed her I'm-so-happy-it-should-make-you-sick smile. "I'm dying to go to the toilet though." 

"I'm so glad you're alright." Brennan replied. Emma rolled her eyes. 

"I'm sure we're all very happy for you," said Setesh, who was now standing beside Adam, "but I've waited ten years for this revenge and I won't have you two spoiling it. So shut up." 

"Come on Setesh, you know the Spice Girls have no effect on me. There's nothing you can do to me that will be as bad as what I did to you." Adam said with a smug look on his face. 

"Well Adam, it's true that there is no single girl or boy band that can ever achieve the level of horror reached by the Spice Girls. However, you have failed to realise that there is an annual event that can psychologically affect even deaf people. Even you will not be able to prevent a total shutdown of your systems. Not guessed the event I'm talking about yet?" Setesh was having far too much fun tormenting Adam like this. He couldn't remember when he had last felt so alive. 

"Not only am I going to make you listen to, but I am also going to make you watch, the Eurovision song contest!" 

Adam's face lost so much colour he was almost transparent. 

"You wouldn't!" he gasped out, but knew it was futile. 

"Oh but I would. Draco, the headphones!" he called out to his minion. "Don't worry Adam, I won't make your precious Mutant X listen to it as well. I'm not that evil." 

Brennan, Shalimar, and Emma collectively sighed in relief, while wondering what exactly the Eurovision song contest was. 

Draco arrived with the headphones, Setesh took them and plugged them into the back of Adam's chair and carefully placed them over Adam's ears. He then moved out of sight behind the mutants, presumably to sort the TV. 

"There you go Adam. Enjoy it." And like every evil bad guy, Setesh left the room, followed by Draco. 

"Idiot." Was all Adam had to say. He then proceeded to use his oddly superhuman strength to break the straps that tied his arm to the chair, and then to pull the earphones out and throw them across the room. 

"Psst, Shalimar!" Brennan whispered. "Wasn't he wearing _head_phones a minute ago?" 

"Shut up Brennan." Emma replied. 

After freeing himself, Adam came over and untied the ropes holding them to the table. "We have to move quickly! I think there's a door on the east side that will get us out. Come on!" Adam sprinted off, weaving between empty boxes and cactus plants. Brennan tried to follow but for some reason he kept running into the plants. He walked into three other plants before losing sight of the others. 

"Dammit Adam where are you? There are too many plants!" Not bothering to wait for a reply Brennan threw off a tesla coil in the hopes that he could blast his way through. In direct contradiction to the laws of physics, it worked, and Brennan ran down the corridor he had created for himself. The little explosion he had caused had set off alarms and Adam was slightly angry with him when they met up again. 

"As soon as we get out of here, I'm going to kill you!" Adam said. "Now hurry up or I'll cover you in blood and throw you to the ferals!" 

~*~*~ 

"Setekh! Setesh! Set! Seth! Whatever your name is! They've escaped!" Draco exclaimed. 

"How?" Setesh asked his minion. His plan was perfect, there were no flaws in it, yet Adam and his team of teenage mutant ninja burglars had wriggled their way out of it again. 

"I don't know, but the idiot Mulwray blasted a path right the way through your cacti!" 

"That's _it!_ No more mister nice mutant. Release the Fans." 

~*~*~ 

"Did you hear something?" Shalimar asked. 

"No, why, did you?" Brennan replied. He frowned in concern – maybe she was hearing things and would have to be institutionalised again. 

"Yeah, a clunking noise, kind of like a thick steel door being opened." The rest of the team had gathered round, wondering about the delay, and Shalimar's eyes glowed as she used her feral senses to listen for any unnatural noise. At first there was nothing, but then she heard a low rumble and screaming almost like the sound of a rioting crowd. Or possibly…Her face went white as she discerned 'BRANONN IS OS HUT!' and 'LOL! HE SO COOT!' from the screaming. 

"Oh god. It's the Brennan fans. Run!" 

The team hesitated for a split second until what Shalimar had said sunk in, before turning and running as fast as possible down the corridor in the opposite direction to the noise. 

"They're gaining on us! We have to move faster!" Shalimar shouted. 

"LOL? People actually say _LOL?!_" Emma replied. 

"I wonder if they mean lots of love, lots of laughs, or laughing out loud." Brennan pondered. 

"I should just stop and wait for them to get me. It has to be better than this." Adam said. 

They all ran around a corner full speed and ploughed straight into a wall. 

"What now?" Emma asked, eyeing the turn in the corner warily. The Fans weren't far behind them, they'd be coming round soon. They had nowhere to go. 

Brennan wondered if he was needing glasses as the wall he had just run into was looking rather fuzzy, but he turned his head and saw that the son of multi-millionaire Noah Kilmartin had phased it out. 

"Hey, how did you get here?" He asked, confused again. 

"Convenient for the plot." The younger man replied. 

They all hurried through the now intangible wall that phased back in with a completely inaudible snap behind them. 

"Who's for pizza?" Brennan said. 

~*~*~ 

Brennan peered around, once again confused. 

"What's wrong this time Brennan?" Emma asked with a sigh. She didn't particularly enjoy her part in this fic; she didn't get to be Darth Emma at all. In fact, she spent most of the time giggling. She giggled again as she remembered why she was giggling. 

"It's not finished yet. This fic, I mean. 'Who's for pizza?' was a finishing line, but it's still going on. Why hasn't it finished yet?" 

"You're in such a hurry to get this over with! What'll you be like if there's a sequel?" Emma giggled again. 

"You sure are doing that an awful lot. What are you giggling at anyway?" 

"Nothing." She giggled. "Brenna." 

~*~*~ 

In a rather cramped cryo pod, in a large round room, in an abandoned research facility, beside a body of water that could be a lake, river, or the ocean, in a country that could be America or Canada, in a year that could be any between 2006 and 2010, a frozen yet imposing man with white hair who had been keeping track of events through means akin to magic and alchemy, violently shuddered while remaining absolutely still. _A sequel?_ He thought to himself. 

_Oh. Dear. God._


End file.
